Kenney Out of Closet

Feb 28th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Politics, Uncategorized

Jason Kenney’s aspirations to, one day, lead the Conservative Party of Canada came out of the closet yesterday with news that he is to be engaged.

Spokesperson for Kenney, Hildy Kreps, confirmed that Kenney has made arrangements to wed 52-year-old Linda King, of Canmore, Alberta.  Ms. King is well known in Golfing and Libertarian circles. The union will be largely ceremonial.

Other recent developments have led to speculation about Kenney’s intention to seek the leadership.  Last month Kenney underwent electrolysis to reduce his fast growing, dark facial hair and during prorogation underwent a radical fatassectomy.  Ms. Kreps confirmed that the fatassectomy was performed at a Canadian Medical institution and not, as was alleged by Premier Danny Williams of Newfoundland and Labrador, “two O.R.’s down from me in Miami”.

The view that Prime Minister Steve Harper is preparing to step down has picked up considerably in the last weeks as he has increasingly, in a reported post-Olympic depression, consumed sugary drinks and turned his attention away from matters of state and to the hockey card collection he keeps in the basement of 24 Sussex Drive.

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