Canada Was To Have New “Rap” Anthem

Mar 4th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Arts, News

URnews has learned that the Conservative Party’s plan to change the national anthem of Canada went further than suggested in the Throne Speech.  Reports that the PMO  bowed to public pressure to abandon the project to revise the anthem so that it might be more “gender neutral” are a cover story.

Sources close to the PMO admit that an entirely new, rap anthem had been written and recorded.  The new anthem, “Dats Yo Can-A-Daddy” is a rap.

The song is reported to have four verses, each voiced by a different region of Canada.  The first, plaintive, verse is by Atlantic Canada.  The song then picks up tempo in verses from Quebec and Ontario.  The concluding verse comes from the “Fresh Wes”.

“There was an urgent need to modernize the anthem” , said an unnamed spokesperson, “and for the Harper Government to rebrand the country in such a way that it was owned by the Conservative Party”.

But what was originally perceived by insiders as another brilliant tactical move by Steve “Spock” Harper,  building a bridge to urban and youth communities, is now said to be have been fraught with problems in development.

The Quebec verse personifies Alberta as a submissive sex partner or prostitute,  La Belle Province’s “Biatch”.   A translation of part of the verse reads, “Jig yo tarry ass/I gonna take that cash, Yo dirty, yo dirty,” which is said to represent Quebec’s disgust for the tar sands even as it spends money derived from the project.  “There was definitely a problem there,” said the unnamed source.  “It sounded like Quebec was Alberta’s abusive pimp, and however true that is, it was not something we wanted to point out.”

Other problems include the use of the term “Newfies”, considered derogatory by Newfoundlanders. “In fairness to the author, Marvin Frum (who writes under the name Fatty Fuck Five)  it isn’t very easy to use “Newfoundland and Labradorians” in a rhyme, and the line before ended in “Roofies,”” said the source.

– Coco Cabrera

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