Exinger Tel IPO excites Bay Street

Company exists only to promote itself

Mar 29th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Business

Exinger Tel is going public and the excitement on Bay Street is palpable.  “There hasn’t been an offering like this in a while,” said a brokerage executive who wished to remain anonymous.  “The company has been built by the best minds behind Bre-Ex, Hollinger and Nortel.  This is the stuff that sells.”

Exinger Tel exists only to promote itself.  The stock is said to be generating tremendous interest among small and institutional investors alike.  Every sector of the market seems to have been hypnotized by the hype. “The prospectus has beautiful graphic design and is printed on, like, some kind of fantastic card stock,” said an unnamed official.

“Exinger Tel is a company that comes already gift wrapped,” said another broker.  “And the executive suite over there only have exaggerated claims of future prospects and fuzzy bookkeeping to deal with, the company doesn’t actually do anything, so there are no distractions.”

Bay Street has bemoaned the absence of the sort of hot stocks that propelled the last market bubble.  “People who got hosed on their RRSP investments and bum mutual funds that we had sold them weren’t coming back for some boring old mining stock that might or might not make money.  The market needed something simpler with bigger unsubstantiated claims and promises of untold riches.”

Based on the prospect of the commissions on the sales of stock alone restaurants favoured by Bay Street executives have ordered vast quantities of overpriced brand name Champagne and such other luxury items as caviar from threatened sturgeon populations and facsimile truffles made from petroleum waste products in China.

The offering is pending as the company is baffling regulators with bizarre new financial instruments that no one can understand.

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