Kenney Out of Closet

Mar 1st, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Politics

Kenney Demonstrates Technique

Jason Kenney’s aspirations to, one day, lead the Conservative Party of Canada came out of the closet yesterday with news that he is to be engaged.

Spokesperson for Kenney, Hildy Kreps, confirmed that long time “bachelor” Kenney has made arrangements to wed 52-year-old Linda King, of Canmore, Alberta.  Ms. King is well known in Golfing and Libertarian circles. The union will be largely ceremonial. “This should finally put an end to rumours that, since coming here [Ottawa],  Jason has fallen under the influence of a secretive cabal of tax and spend sodomites that have snatched control of the CPC from its Christian founders.”

Other recent developments have led to speculation about Kenney’s intention to seek the leadership.  Last month Kenney underwent electrolysis to reduce his fast growing, dark facial hair and during prorogation underwent a radical fatassectomy.  Ms. Kreps confirmed that the fatassectomy was performed at a Canadian Medical institution and not, as was alleged by the Premier Danny Williams of Newfoundland and Labrador, “two O.R.’s down from me in Miami”.

Speculation that Prime Minister Steve Harper is preparing to step down has picked up considerably in recent weeks.  The Prime Minister has been observed consuming large quantities of  sugary drinks and snack foods and is said to have turned his attention away from matters of state and toward the hockey card collection he keeps in the basement of 24 Sussex Drive.


Share this!