Own Goal To Get Better

Mem­bers of the Toronto Maple Leafs who “skipped the line” to receive H1N1 vac­cine in Novem­ber may have mis­tak­enly been given “los­ing serum”.

“In the rush to have them vac­ci­nated it appears they were given the wrong shot,” said an unnamed Leaf official.

“K6Y9 Krakow Bovine” is a serum devel­oped in Poland that causes the recip­i­ent to under-perform almost all intel­lec­tual and motor func­tions.  The com­pound effect of phys­i­cal clum­si­ness and a pro­found lack of men­tal acu­ity almost always causes those receiv­ing the vac­cine to fail at what­ever task they attempt.

For­mer Lib­eral Leader John Turner’s halt­ing speech is a result of a very brief expo­sure to K6Y9 dur­ing a hos­pi­tal visit.  For­mer Toronto Mayor Mel Last­man, mis­tak­ing it for grape­fruit juice, drank a large vial of the vac­cine on Jan­u­ary 12, 1999.

- Coco Cabrera

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