The Woman’s Place

Mar 2nd, 2010 | By Paul Moth | Category: Columns

7th in an Irregular Series of Columns on Topics of Interest to Women by Paul Moth

Noted broadcaster, raconteur and opinionater Paul Moth

Girls, good to be back with you.

And first off, I gotta tell you, from my experience with you, size does matter.

I’m a man, so when I go into a menswear store, I have an actual clue about what I need in, say, briefs.  And it’s not brief, I say without modesty.  I need a full and capacious … catchment area.  The snake must sleep sometime, somewhere.  But I can be certain that a Man’s Gifted underpant at L’ Homme Haut will be about the same size as a Stanfield’s at Wal-Mart.

The women of my experience, however … I mean, they have to try on everything in the store before they find the right gown or deep-cut cocktail extravaganza.  Not out of any sense of vanity, mind you, but because S, M, L, and XXL mean nothing in a women’s wear shop.

A 4, an 8, a 12 … they could all be the same size depending on the store.

Now, I like a women of a certain … proportion.  But buying gifts of clothing for them is fraught with peril.  “How could you possibly imagine I would fit into an [insert appropriate size]?  What pornographic outcome did you visualize?”

Or, “nice tent, Paul, but you know I’m an urban girl.”

And shoes!  Don’t get me started on shoes!  Now this is where women’s vanity reaches an all time low.  Why should wearing a shoe too small for your feet be anything other than a preposterous and dangerous act?  I’ve seen some pretty hefty roasts squat into a little puff pastry of a Blahnik.

Fashion … I’m down with fashion.  But a good shoe should be comfortable, supportive and excitingly alluring.

When I see folds of foot flesh flapping out over a handsome vamp or throat … well, girls, there goes the magic.

So sometimes women are the victims of fashion; sometimes they are its willing accomplices.

Ladies, don’t go down so easily.  Take this situation by the bra straps and pull it up.  You are on top; you are in control.  Prove it.

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