Obama Back On Butts

Obama is said to enjoy the "Sailors' Twine Blend" brand of cigarettes.

Apr 6th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured

URNews has learned that President Barack Obama and a close circle of advisers celebrated passage of his Heath Care reforms by breaking out the butts and scarfing back a few burgers.

The President, who had not managed to quit smoking as he promised during the election campaign, is now happily back to a pack a day.

“He’s backstopped by the new program,” said an unnamed aide. “Any long term health problems that result from his smoking will now be the burden of the taxpayer.”

It has long been recognized that smoking makes people look “cool” and “sophisticated” so it is believed seeing Obama taking a deep drag while contemplating the difficult affairs of state will help calm an increasingly confused and anxious America.

“There was a measure of hypocrisy in the American Government going on about smoking killing people when we spend half the treasury blowing the shit out of people on the other side of the planet,” said a spokesperson. “The promise to quit smoking was made during an election so it has to be looked at like any other meaningless election promise.  And let’s face it managing the decline of empire is not a great time to quit.”

The Surgeon General, recently posted to Afghanistan by the President, was unavailable for comment.

Obama is said to enjoy the “Sailors’ Twine Blend” brand of cigarettes.

Cigars have been prohibited in the White House since the Clinton administration.

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