Britain Faces Canadian Democracy Nightmare

Britons want "want none of the above"

May 3rd, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Uncategorized

Britain canucked

If polls are accurate, Britain faces a nightmarish Canadian-style democracy after Thursday’s General Election.

“In Canada, you have a minority Conservative Government that has rarely enjoyed the support of as much as a third of the electorate,” says University of Scarborough Political Scientist Alan Mackenzie, “and two center-left parties in opposition that, for various reasons, cannot form a workable coalition.”

As a result, up to 70% of Canadians are opposed to their own government but are impotent to change it.

“A national malaise has developed in Canada,” observes Mackenzie. “The Conservatives rule in spite of the will of the people.  Britain had better get ready for just such a mess.”

There are other parallels: all three party leaders in both Canada and the United Kingdom are men of limited wit and less charm; voters in both countries would prefer almost anyone to lead their country than any of the candidates.  This broad dissatisfaction was seen in recent Canadian by-elections where a goat,  a man who had been dead for fourteen years and  a mathematical symbol, all running as “Independents,” were endorsed in landslides.

“It’s too much to be a coincidence. While it is true that the goat had a high profile owing to a continuing role on a popular CBC television show, and there were local issues that strongly favoured the corpse, the 68% result for “≥” in a rural New Brunswick riding means people don’t like any of the mainstream alternatives.  The last time a Greater-Than-Or-Equal-To symbol ran it got less than 10% of the vote.”

“The situations are not exact parallels, though” continues Mackenzie. “David Cameron, the British Conservative Leader, isn’t reptilian like Steve Harper. In gloomy disposition, potty mouth and the inability to make friends, Steve actually more resembles Gordon Brown. And the Canadian economy is in pretty good shape whereas the UK is essentially fucked by its mammoth debt. Canada will continue to get by selling its natural resources whereas the next British PM is likely going to have to reintroduce rationing.”

The Canadian Parliament also features a large block of Quebec separatists who are so confused by the transparent hypocrisy of their circumstance as to be completely meaningless.

While Canadians occasionally react to their misrepresentation in Parliament they have, in the main, pulled the blankets up over their heads in the hope that the situation will spontaneously right itself.  Whether Britons will respond with similar disinterest in their fate remains to be seen.

Share this!