Capitalism Recalled

Problems throughout system, fights reputation as lemon

May 23rd, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Business

For the second time in as many years, Capitalism has been recalled because of major faults with the system.  Some of the problems are recurrences of  those “repaired” during a previous recall; others are new.


“There are some bugs we should have seen earlier, like the sovereign debt levels getting too high, but the larger worry is systemic,” said a spokesperson. “There is a very real concern that this model of Capitalism was introduced too quickly, without adequate testing of the newer features.”

Current models of Capitalism have markets that are supposed to be self-regulating. “We are installing new regulators in most models,” said the spokesperson. The new regulators are similar to those found in older models of Capitalism.

Late model Capitalism can accelerate unpredictably.  Defects in the engine were allowing bubbles to form in the fuel line.

“The first series of quick fixes seemed to work,” said a Bay Street analyst who commented on the condition of anonymity. “The problem arose when we wanted to put on the brakes as we approached the downturn. Nothing could stop it. We hit the wall.”

“Some unscrupulous investment dealers knew about these safety concerns, but still sold Capitalism to unknowing consumers,” said Fred Millings-Knecker of industry watchdog Invisible Hand Job. “The warranties on the instruments weren’t worth the proverbial paper. When you brought your damaged Capitalism back to the lot they’d say you had take it to a central economy for an injection of public cash. That’s not the vehicle they were sold.”

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