Kid Doesn’t Understand Need for Shrek 4

Hollywood bereft of new ideas again

May 21st, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Arts

Noah Schoenfeld, a nine year old boy from Madison, Wisconsin, cannot see the need for a fourth film in the “Shrek” franchise.

“I mean, I like Shrek and all that, but haven’t they already done it a hundred times?”  Mr. Schoenfeld felt the difference between four and one hundred did not alter his central thesis. “Okay, ‘four times’, but I’ve seen it, okay.  Can’t these grownups in Hollywood come up with something new?”

Despite lacking interest in the new film, Mr. Schoenfeld said he would probably go through the motions of visiting a cineplex in the nearest shopping mall to watch it with his parents. “They are much more excited about this than me,” said Schoenfeld.

Indeed, Noah Schoenfeld’s parents Sarah and Ira Schoenfeld, both Professors at the University of Wisconsin, were looking forward to seeing the film on its opening weekend. “Eddie Murphy as Donkey, I wouldn’t miss it,” said Ms. Schoenfeld. “I love Mike Myers,” said Mr. Schoenfeld before going on to do his imitation of Mr. Myers as Wayne Campbell of the Wayne’s World movies to the embarrassment of both his wife and child.

“I may be only nine and half and I understand that the high-cap, low-margin independent picture is getting harder to produce with all the file sharing and piracy, but if I have to keep watching remakes and sequels of films my parents and my retarded sister watched … well … I’m getting like a library card or something.”

Noah Schoenfeld’s older sister, 14 year old Kelly Schoenfeld, is, in fact, an intellectually gifted child and not “retarded” as characterized by her younger brother.  Kelly Schoenfeld was spending more time adoring her genuinely imbecilic (and not “misunderstood”) 15 year boyfriend Jackson Venter and was unavailable for comment.

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