Club Football Mania Finishes for the Season

Next year's Champions League teams are chosen

Jun 2nd, 2010 | By Paul Moth | Category: Sports

Source: football league season across Europe has come to a close and the continent has seen some upsets.

But in general, the proof is in the spending – high salaried teams have won out in force, if not in style.

The English Premiership, perhaps the most popular league in the world, showed that money can, indeed, buy everything.

Bletchley Park has finished atop the standings for the fourth time in six years, and continues to hold the Premiership record for payroll. It’s a team everyone loves to hate, and opponents have always had a difficult time decoding their defence. Surprising Berkhampstead United moved up three places from their fifth-place finish last season. The much-loved Hamn-on-Wrye swapped places with old faithful Electric Ladyland in the all-important third and fourth place finishes.

The top four teams from each sanctioned league qualify for the Champions League. That’s where the real Euros roll in. It is the top league competition in the world.

The unlucky bottom three teams relegated down one level in England are the perennially lacklustre Entropy Rangers, Ennui Wanders and Pottymouth.

The complete table for the English Premiership follows:

Bletchley Park
Berkhampstead United
Electric Ladyland
Cross & Blackwell
Radical Celsius
Squiff Central
Disraeli Gears
Fortnum & Mason
Fahrenheit 451
Stoat City
Englebert Humperdinck
Marks & Spenser
Shuddersford Town
Arnold Dorsey
Entropy Rangers
Ennui Wanderers

The Italian league, Seria A, followed the example of the Premiership in that the title team repeated from last season. S.S. Cosa Nostra once again cowed all competition and placed well ahead of second place Inter Fusilli. Cosa Nostra features the highest payroll in all of Europe and the class showed all year long. Both Barolo Magnifico and Panini overcame mid-year tentativeness and finished in the Champions League circle.

The three relegated teams of Seria A included Rummoli, which only last year was promoted from Seria B. The other two to go down are Humidor and Theresina.

The final table for Italy follows:

S.S Cosa Nostra
Inter Fusilli
Barolo Magnifico
A.C.F. Panini
Bireli Lagrene
Saltimbocca Alla Romana
Mirabile Jesus
Carrara FC
Inter Outer
Cement Lafarge
Giuseppe Pesci
U.S.F. Rummoli
U.S. Theresina

Probably the most popular league for fans after the English Premiership is Spain’s La Liga.

Trabajadores finished atop the most hotly contested competition in Europe. No fewer than eight teams were in the thick of the top four battle until the final weekend of the season.

Standard Bilge, Real Assinine, Desperado and Sporting Clamydia all had a sporting chance at the title and entry into the Champions League next year, but they all lost to the eventual qualifiers Trabajadores, Atlético Supporter, Deportivo Los Cojones and Racing Salamander. They all pulled out desperation victories. Goal differential was then the deciding factor in the top four placements.

Relegation in Spain visited the three unlucky teams at the bottom of the table. In any other league in Europe, they perhaps would have finished in the middle of the pack. Eclampsia, Falange FC and Real Moron all go down.

The full table for La Liga follows:

FC de Trabajadores
Atlético Supporter
Deportivo Los Cojones
Racing Salamander
Standard Bilge
Real Assinine
Sporting Clamydia
Habanero Rojos
El Sardines
Jalapeno Verdes
Real Thing
Deportivo El Quijote
Real Gone
Atlético Almodovar
Real Rococco
Falange FC
Real Moron

Suprizes, too, in Germany’s Bundesliga.  Last year’s champions, heavily favoured Hansel, fell off the pace this year and were forced off the top of the table due to a late-season charge from Götterdämmerung. Nihil Obstat, too, performed above expectations. Schaudenfreude took advantage of Hernia Berlin in the final two home and home games of the season.  Berlin had been ravaged by injury and lost both encounters landing in third place as Schaudenfreude leapfrogged into first. Recently promoted TV 1959 Bonanza and Eintracht Kielbasa did just enough to stay in the top league while beleaguered perennial losers Maastricht were finally relegated.

The complete Bundesliga table follows:

Hernia Berlin
Nihil Obstat
FC Köln
FC Cologne
M-S-R Qualitätsfußbalverein
Bayern Münchhausen
Adviln Munich
Hamburger 2X
TV 1959 Bonanza
Eintracht Kielbasa

Last three teams relegated.

Other leagues wrapped up their seasons recently, and the top four teams in each of the following countries are now eligible for 2010/11 Championship League.

Portugal’s Liga Sagres had old favourites Spinoza on top of the standings followed by Olé Olé Olé, FC Ricardo Reis and the much-vaunted but underachieving Porto 17º.

Ligue1 in France saw perennial champions Paris-Descartes repeat their top-of-the-tables performance, but three surprising teams also battled their way into the top four. Unheralded St. Semilla Mont placed second while the ever-popular Les Plouffes and the mysterious État Vichy rounded out the qualifiers from France.

The Dutch Eredivisie was another highly-charged competition this year with giants Clorox Rotterdam just nosing out PSV Piping. The battle for the final top positions see-sawed all year with Mr. Klean von Haag eventually finishing ahead of Albrecht Durer. Both these teams saw years of frustration at not finishing top of the table continue. Large influxes of off-shore money did not see them take the top prize, but fans are satisfied they will be in the Champions League next year.

Sweden’s Allsvenskan showed the same four teams place in the same four positions as they did last year. Trollborg is just too powerful for ABBA, besting them by 6 points. Djellybelly FF and NKOB also finished far ahead of their closest competitors, fifth place Volkea.

Denmark’s Superliga is perhaps the most underrated league on the continent. All teams seem to be in all games all season long. The results are a reflection of that as none of these top four have ever finished at the top in previous years. Dylan Elektrik was the fan favourite and bested FuO, FC Glimmer and Dylan Akustik.

Leagues out east have finished up as well. The Russian top four are all glory teams from years past and show the solidity of the competition in Russia. Vladoblad won out this year and has finished in the top four 28 of the last 35 years. Second-place Ragdalhoolick, too, is a top-rated club having won the Champions League title in 1998. Third and fourth place went to Chicken Kiev and Magnetik Resonance.

The Süper Lig in Turkey proved competitive again this year for the top clubs in the league. Two new entries into the best four placed first and second, SK Chain Gang and SK Cuspidor. Long-time qualifiers Ataboy J.K. and Boğaziçispor made it to the Champions League courtesy of their finishes this season.

Club league football is done for 2009 – 10. The Champions League combatants have been selected for next year. And all football eyes and hearts now turn to the World Cup, coming up shortly in South Africa.

urNews will be there from the opening kick-off. Stay tuned for further updates.

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