URNews on Summer Hiatus

A Nation Despairs

Jun 13th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Lead Article

URNews Summer Staff retreat

URNews Head-in-Chief Elsworth “Duke” Lundrigan announced today that Canada’s leading independent satirical web site, the biting and hilarious URNews.ca, was going on summer hiatus.

“There is less news in the summer,” said Lundrigan. “People are drunk. They don’t want news, let alone cranky-arse satire penned by a bunch of bitter fuck-ups and losers.  Someone tell me why I got into this racket?  What was it old George Kaufman said? ‘Satire is what closes on Saturday night.’  Cock-eyed optimist if you ask me.  This coming Sunday is going to last until next September for URNews.  Manolo, fix me a goddamn drink!”

URNews writers work on a day-to-day basis, without contracts.  Many of the displaced hacks will be working in pest control and late-night security until the putative September re-launch of the spectacularly successful, multi-award-winning site.  There is said to be relief in Ottawa, where intense daily scrutiny of URNews is known to be a pathological, masochistic preoccupation of the Prime Minister’s Office, Michael Ignatieff and Parliamentary Pages after they’ve had a few puffs.

“Fuck, September, November, October … I don’t know,” said Lundrigan as his drink arrived. “When’s my EI run out? What? No fucking EI? Jesus, Manolo …”

Answering questions as to whether the site would return with changes, the inclusion of video, advertising and so on, Lundrigan was curt. “Didn’t you read the third paragraph of this piece? ‘Day-to-day’ and ‘without contracts?’ Really, who the fuck knows.”

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