Gov’t Admits Habs Cooption Attempt

"Stanley Cup, Shmanley Cup ... we want the votes."

Sep 17th, 2010 | By Paul Moth | Category: Uncategorized

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A spokesman for Prime Minister Steve Harper today admitted that the Federal Government had attempted to co-opt the famed Montreal Canadiens ice hockey franchise for partisan reasons.

Dunning Kruger presented a one-page statement to the press from his box seats at the Bell Centre in Montreal. “It was a crude attempt to sway voters in Quebec to vote Conservative,” he said, “we admit that. But what could we do?”

Analysis and reports concluded that the Ottawa Senators would have been a close second in the Federalist Anschluss, but that the Habitants were far and away the most popular choice.

“We considered, briefly, the (Toronto Maple) Leafs.” Kruger paused. “Briefly. But we wanted a winner.”

But it seems Quebecers want French-speaking players on their Montreal team, even if it means the team does not win the coveted Coupe Stanley. “We tried to sway them to other Canadians, to Yanks, Russkies, Swedes and Finns. But it’s Pierre Pepsi they want. We’ll have to go back to the drawing board.”

Kruger admitted there had been a previously unknown and successful operation in Calgary where cowboys and Indians had been removed from the Flames and more “Canadian (sic)” players introduced.

Officials with the Vancouver Canucks did not answer questions about whether they were developing Asian players to take advantage of their increasing population of Oriental descent, though the recent arrival of several Sri Lankan prospects indicates there might be some movement in that direction.

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