4-D Copier Problems 4-D Copier Problems

Hiccup hiccup in Time Space

Oct 28th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Science and Technology

Totally harmless

Serious problems with IBM’s new generation of 4-D copiers “should have been foreseen,” say researchers.  “They knew once they threw time into the equation and started copying events there was going to be trouble,” said renowned physicist Ida Benson of the University of Newfoundland at St. John’s.

Tests conducted at the IBM laboratories at Almaden, California in the hope of copying the simple tossing of a coin inadvertently copied author Douglas Copeland asking an inane question.  Copeland was touring the facility at the time and asked where he could find a washroom. Suddenly three identical Copelands appeared asking, “you said ‘the third left?'”  The trio of Douglas Copelands are now detained at the research facility.  “They each predictably do the same thing at the same time.  They are aggravating one another to no end”.

Disaster was narrowly averted last Tuesday when two of the three Copelands ate the only two tuna salad sandwiches available at the cafeteria. A hastily prepared third sandwich narrowly averted a “temporal meltdown.” The fear is that if one of the Copelands does anything different than the others, an unstoppable and cascading divergence of reality will occur.  “It’s going to be exhausting for Mr. Copeland’s life partner,” said an IBM spokesperson, “but we have got to cap this situation.”

“We’re lucky it was Douglas Copeland who got copied copied,” says Benson. “He’s totally harmless.  Imagine if it had been Randy Quaid or Ben Mulroney.”

The 4D copier has been shut down as the production of the Copeland copies used all the toner.

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