Harper Legba

Conservative zombies at 30%

Oct 30th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: News

Papa Steve

Steve Harper is a Vodou Legba figure controlling an unthinking army of zombies who do his bidding.  Many Conservative Party Members of Parliament are Bokors and Caplata who now command up to thirty percent of the Canadian electorate to do as Harper dictates.

The first evidence of zombie voting was seen in Alberta where citizens started unthinkingly voting Conservative, regardless of the candidate or the party record.  “It seemed bizarre that they would, en masse, work as one to prohibit anyone from even questioning the ruler,” says Vodou expert Hubert St. James Gracie. “It made no sense. They were taking from themselves the advantages that come from having a dynamic opposition.  They were obviously in some sort of trance when they voted.”

How Harper keeps his zombies under control is unknown.  “He does not seem to possess any hypnotic skills,” observed Gracie, ” and drugging that many people with datura would be a logistic challenge.”

At the one juncture when Harper’s spell seemed to be waning he paid a visit to the legendary Mambo, Michaelle Jean.  “What powers she gave him during that visit are a tantalizing secret to all that study the magic,” says Gracie, “but it was obviously some powerful Voudo. She’s got the stuff.”

Dunning Kruger, a familiar of the Legba, commented “we count zombie votes one at a time just like we count other votes. In this particular instance, the government believes in multiculturalism and equality.” Canada is at a crossroads and Harper stands there, on guard for thee.

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