Harper Vows to Control UN

"Gonna show the motherfucking leftie world who is boss"

Oct 13th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured

Sources report that Canadian Prime Minister Steve Harper has vowed to respond to Canada’s failure to get a seat on the United Nations Security Council by taking control of the parent organization.

Steve Harper

“There’s no denying this was a very personal humiliation for the leader,” said conservative spokesman Dunning Kruger. “Both Larry Cannon and Pete Kent are afraid to come back from New York.”

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the famously thin-skinned, vindictive and foul-mouthed Harper plans to exact revenge on the United Nations by taking it over.

“Don’t ever underestimate Steve,” said Kruger, “this is a helmet-haired policy dweeb with kooky fringe right wing beliefs who managed to take over The National Citizen’s Coalition, The Alliance Party, The Progressive Conservative Party and finally, with the support of a mere 17% of the electorate, Canada.  The General Assembly is every bit as stupid as the Conservative caucus.  This will be a cake walk.”

It is believed that Harper will, once he has a controlling minority of the UN membership, run them, like his Cabinet, as direct agents of his will.  Dissent of any kind, even the mere questioning of policy, will be forbidden.

An earlier plan, to blame the failure in obtaining the Security Council seat on Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff, was abandoned after having been proven too stupid even for Canada.

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