No Corruption in Canada

Canada second only to North Korea in virtue

Oct 1st, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured, Uncategorized

After being censured by Parliament, dressed down by Jean Charest and widely derided by Pepsi-friendly editorialists, Rogers, the parent company of Maclean’s, has issued an apology for that magazine’s obscene depiction of Bonhomme Carnaval as a happy extortionist.

“On behalf of the company, we sincerely regret any offense that the cover may have caused,” Rogers Publishing president Brian Segal said in a statement read Thursday at a press conference in the company’s Toronto headquarters.

Asked for a clarification as to whether Maclean’s had changed its mind about what province it now considered Canada’s most corrupt, Rogers officials said there was no corruption in Canada, that everything was perfect in the country and that all its citizens were happy.

Segal’s comments were echoed by speakers at a  hastily improvised rally on Parliament Hill billed as a Bonhomme Means Good Man Good Time Jamboree that was attended by thousands of smiling public employees.

“Canadians have their Tim Hortons donuts and coffee, they dutifully watch the supreme national sport of Hockey as dictated by our enlightened leader — they are completely happy,” said Conservative spokesman Dunning Kruger to sincere applause from the crowd.

Attending the rally with her Grade 10 Civics class from Terry Fox Collegiate, teacher and hockey mom Sandy Klassen agreed. “If you look across this great land of ours, you see government after government at every level just doing a darn good honest job.  To me, that’s Canada.”

The surprising groundswell of polite disapproval of Toronto elites using sacred national symbols to suggest there are negative things going on in the country comes on the heels of collective realization that Canada’s banks have for years been selflessly shielding the economy from recession and that its oil companies devote thousands of dollars annually to preserving wetlands in northern Alberta.

with files from Carl Johnson

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