North Korea May Be Causing Cabbage Shortage

South Korea's President Accuses North of Planning Chou d'Etat

Oct 16th, 2010 | By Carl Johnson | Category: Politics

Kim Cuts the Chi's

With South Korea paralyzed by a shortage of cabbage that has made kim chi too expensive for ordinary citizens, evidence has surfaced that North Korean spies are fomenting the crisis in the South.  Four members of a cabbage rustling ring detained today in Sri Chinmoy province are believed to be agents of an elite North Korean secret service unit dedicated to culinary terrorism, long a specialty of the north’s Communist dictatorship.

Seth Biesanz, a senior fellow at Asia Watch and author of Ring of Fire: What’s Rotten in the State of North Korea, said the news comes as no surprise to students of the regime.  According to Biesanz, the legendary leader of North Korea Kim Il-Sung, father of the current president, began his road to power as the feared head of a gang of cabbage rustlers and master of the art of food fighting.

Ring of Fire describes how during the Japanese occupation of Korea in the 1930s the elder Kim was able to turn kim chi into a potent biological weapon.  Kim’s old family recipe for the concoction of fermented cabbage produced a gas payload so powerful that it broke the Japanese siege of Poch’onbo in 1937, and fueled the final offensive of the Communist guerrillas under Kim Il-Sung’s command.

Kim had large batches of his ‘kim il-sung chi’ smuggled into the besieged town and force fed his troops for 24 hours straight.  By morning an entire battle-hardened Japanese division encircling the rebel stronghold had surrendered.  Reports of the attack and the convulsions of the stricken soldiers convinced the Japanese high command that the Americans had provided the Koreans with chemical weapons.

The source of the current cabbage shortage remains unclear, but the arrests raised the fear that Pyongyang may be stock-piling cabbage for a massive gas attack on the South — one that Biesanz said would be “silent, but deadly.”

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