Winnipeg is the New Edmonton

Forgotten by God

Oct 29th, 2010 | By Signor Blaine | Category: News

The al-Jartik Society has given formal notice to the world’s cartographers that the capital city of Manitoba formally known as ‘Winnipeg’ shall now be called ‘Edmonton.’

“Edmonton is an ancient Sanskrit word meaning ‘donkey in filth,’” explained Hasim Hasaam, the Executive Director of the Society. “Flies, floods and freezing conditions have always plagued the city formally known as Winnipeg, but with a recent crime wave the place has reached a tipping point. Most residents now wish to leave.” He further explained the place name ‘Edmonton’ is reserved for “a place forgotten by God”, and the Manitoba city now has this distinction. “You can just feel yourself losing hope by saying the name: Ed-mon-ton,” he added. “It suits ex-Winnipeg perfectly.”

The al-Jartik Society, created in 1154 by Arab geographers to maintain an orderly system of geographic taxonomy, is widely recognized as civilization’s keeper of place names. The society renamed Burgidala (“Beware Neanderthals”), for example, which became Bordeaux (“place of drink.”)

Other notable corrections and emendations by the Society include changing the names of Takada (“Beware Samurai”) to Yamatotakada (“Samurai buried here”) in 1580, and Bytown (“keep moving”) to Ottawa (“place where idiots gather”) in 1855.

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