Yankees Withdraw from MLB

Team takes ball and goes home

Oct 29th, 2010 | By Paul Moth | Category: Sports

Edsel Cord III, assistant to Brian Cashman, general manager of the New York Yankees, stunned a hastily arranged press conference this morning in the Bronx at Yankee Stadium, the House that Ruth built.

Toronto Blue Jays

“The New York Yankees are disappointed by the manner in which they have been welcomed to the post-season in baseball,” said Cord. “There are no words for our consternation at the disrespect the Texas Rangers have shown for tradition.  Tradition is what baseball is built on,” said Cord.  “Don’t they know we’re always supposed to win?”

The New York Yankees baseball franchise is the most successful sports team in history.  They have won the World Series, emblematic of American hegemony over sports, a record twenty-seven times.

“This contempt for our rightful place in the playoffs is inexcusable and not entirely explicable by the fact that the Rangers come from the relative backwater of Texas,” said Cord.

Gasps filled the room following Cord’s next statement. “It is with a heavy heart, then, that the New York Yankee Major League Baseball franchise pulls out of Major League Baseball.  We will take our $200,000,000-plus payroll and go home.”

The Yankees plans include the creation of an international super baseball league consisting of the Yankees and a plethora of pee-wee baseball teams from around the world, consisting of players aged 5 to 12. Cord envisages “the continuation of the glory of Yankee baseball, winners year in and year out.”

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