Harper acquires central control, honorifics

Shimmering Light of the Rocky Mountains, Descended from Heaven

Nov 4th, 2010 | By Paul Moth | Category: News

Steve Harper, Beloved and Respected Pianist to the Nation

While edi­to­ri­al­ists and Con­ser­v­a­tive insid­ers alike are baf­fled by the Harper régime’s strangely Communist-like deci­sion on the BHP bid to buy the Potash Cor­po­ra­tion of Saskatchewan, URNews has learned that it is a first step in the tran­si­tion of Canada to a com­pletely centrally-controlled economy.

Cou­pled with absolute state con­trol of the econ­omy will come a benev­o­lent dic­ta­tor­ship of the pro­le­tariat by the Great Leader.

The planned change is said to have been hatched by the Prime Min­is­ter alone in the base­ment of 24 Sus­sex Drive.  With the elim­i­na­tion of demo­c­ra­tic insti­tu­tions and thus Par­lia­ment, Harper will aban­don the title “Prime Min­is­ter” and assume instead the title: “Steve Harper, Beloved and Respected Pianist to the Nation; Cor­rec­tor of the Way­ward, Who is a Great Man; Head in Chief, Com­man­der of Wings, Pro­tec­tor of All Things Great and Rich; Shim­mer­ing Light of the Rocky Moun­tains, Descended from Heaven; Tumes­cent Mem­ber from Cal­gary; Exalted Son of Eto­bi­coke; Tremen­dous Loss Leader; Mas­ter­mind of Unerr­ing Polit­i­cal Instincts; Med­icated Depres­sive; Suc­cor Puncher.”  All hail.

–with files by Coco Cabr­era and Heber Dolphy
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