Harper acquires central control, honorifics

Shimmering Light of the Rocky Mountains, Descended from Heaven

Nov 4th, 2010 | By Paul Moth | Category: News

Steve Harper, Beloved and Respected Pianist to the Nation

While editorialists and Conservative insiders alike are baffled by the Harper regime’s strangely Communist-like decision on the BHP bid to buy the Potash Corporation of Saskatchewan, URNews has learned that it is a first step in the transition of Canada to a completely centrally-controlled economy.

Coupled with absolute state control of the economy will come a benevolent dictatorship of the proletariat by the Great Leader.

The planned change is said to have been hatched by the Prime Minister alone in the basement of 24 Sussex Drive.  With the elimination of democratic institutions and thus Parliament, Harper will abandon the title “Prime Minister” and assume instead the title: “Steve Harper, Beloved and Respected Pianist to the Nation; Corrector of the Wayward, Who is a Great Man; Head in Chief, Commander of Wings, Protector of All Things Great and Rich; Shimmering Light of the Rocky Mountains, Descended from Heaven; Tumescent Member from Calgary; Exalted Son of Etobicoke; Tremendous Loss Leader; Mastermind of Unerring Political Instincts; Medicated Depressive; Succor Puncher.”  All hail.

-with files by Coco Cabrera and Heber Dolphy
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