Origin of Universe Discovered

Created on a Friday at 4:12 pm

Nov 23rd, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Science and Technology

Milky Way

Astronomers at the University of Newfoundland at St. John's have collated data from the Large Hardon Collider in Switzerland and from the Chubble Shallow Space Telescope that have allowed them to peer back in time to the very moment the universe was created.  “We have determined that it wasn't supposed to be a 'big bang' at all, but a more carefully controlled creation of the energy, matter and time of the universe.  More like a slow drip,” said team leader Dr. Lance Ge

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rard. “But it was a Friday, which happened to be a holiday. No one was on deck and the singularity just went 'bang'.”

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Scientists believe that if the universe had been created in a more controlled fashion at the outset, experience would not be such a “fucking mess.”   According to Gerard, “science has always been nagged by the theoretic question, 'Jesus, what was that big bang?'  Now we see it was  something akin to the singularity falling over and reality spilling out.”

Physicists are unable to say what would be the shape and state of a universe created with more care and better planning but it would unlikely feature the Korean Peninsula, ill-fitting trousers or Fox News.  The mysterious disappearance of socks and pens has been attributed to poor joins in the fabric of the universe coming from its shabby construction.

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