Cirque du Steve

Tory Bozos

Dec 10th, 2010 | By Carl Johnson | Category: Featured

Steve, the Ringmaster

Conservative spokesman Dunning Kruger announced today that he is launching Cirque du Steve’s Freaks and Geeks, a new circus-style show that will combine fund-raising for conservative causes with getting the message to the grassroots in key ridings.

The show will feature characters based on the governing Conservative Party’s rapidly growing cast of clowns, leprechauns, poodles, former hockey and police goons, and nutty professors.  According to those who have witnessed rehearsals, the Tory “freaks and geeks” perform bizarre acts under the eye (and whip) of a ruefully grinning, pot-bellied Ringmaster called Steve who alternates between barking commands and singing eerily bad versions of soft pop hits from the 60’s and 70’s.

“All right-thinking Canadians love a circus – just look at the polls,” said Kruger.  “But they’re sick of Pepsi performer types from Quebec with their New Agey ‘foreign-cultures-are-more-spiritual-than-yours’ crap and their fairy costumes.  What they want is to get back to the good old days of clapping seals, scary strongmen, hall of mirrors, bearded women, bad suits and creationists.  Circus for the base is base circus, baby!”

One major difference between the new Tory approach and that of other contemporary “cirques” is that, although the Cirque du Steve acts are tightly choreographed, they are aggressively amateurish and vulgar.

Featured in the show are: Duffster, the Human Cannonball; Iggy, the Dancing Bear; tight-rope walker Big Tony C.; Vic Toews, the Human Pretzel; John Baird, the Human Hankey;  Bev Oda as Humper the Clown; the Amazing Tazing Fantino; Peter Mack, trained to jump through burning hoops; bearded lady Jason Kenney; and more. Steve, the Ring Master, will also lead his vaudeville band in some of your favourite all-time favourites.

Step right up folks.

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