Final Act for Canada

Country completes transition to total embarrassment

Dec 9th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured

Merry Christmas, indeed.

Canada is about to get coal in its stocking from a host of global opinion-makers and political analysts.

In the yearly lists of naughty and nice drawn up by the world’s most influential newspapers, academic think-tanks and philanthropies, Canada has been coming up on the bitumen side time after time.

Among the dubious lowlights most frequently pointed to by the blue-chip panels of impartial international observers: Canada’s government sabotaging international climate change initiatives while continuing to be one of the world’s heaviest polluters; its role as the leading exporter of asbestos to the developing world; acting as a thoughtlessly pandering stooge for Yankee imperialism; being the leading importer of American television; seeing its largest city become the poster boy for the abuse of police power and then elect a baboon who identified a “war on cars” being waged by an all-powerful Left-wing conspiracy as the traffic-choked city’s number one issue; pro-gun and anti-science; and Mike Duffy being a senator.

The OECD’s bellwether Commission on Global Pathos recently named Canada the “G20’s Most Embarrassing Sham Country of 2010”.  In a year that saw Ireland and other Eurozone basket cases virtually collapse and a lunatic fringe come to power in the US Congress, the feared designation underlines how precipitously Canada’s international standing has dropped.

But on Wednesday evening, the line was crossed when, mocking “culture”, the Prime Minister of Canada gave the most embarrassing performance ever of Neil Diamond’s most overperformed chestnut, “Sweet Caroline”.

Conservative spokesman Dunning Kruger said “he was really rocking, the Conservative troops were energized!”  However, when tape of the performance was shown to several genuine practitioners of “rock”, the legitimacy of the claim was questioned. “Get the fuck outta here,” said legendary electric guitarist Mink Brothers of Hamilton, “and turn that fucking tape off!”  Brothers said the music was not “rock” but instead a “limp-wristed, elitist, totalitarian version of a bad lounge act that thinks it’s cool to perform Neil Diamond.  Neil fucking Diamond?  Robbie Robertson’s greatest embarrassment.”

Then today Canada’s Auditor General announced that the Harper Government-appointed “Integrity Commissioner” had none.

Canada was once widely regarded as one of the greatest countries in the world.  Most international observers agree that its  decline began about 10 years ago.  “Decline?” asks Kruger. “You call this decline? Wait ’til we got a majority.”

– with files by Carl Johnson and Paul Moth

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