iThingy Completes Apple Mission

Users will be able to determine whether they liked a movie

Dec 29th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Lead Article, Science and Technology

A  next generation Apple tablet computer, the company’s  follow-up to the IPad has been shelved as they prepare to introduce the iThingy, a comprehensive personal utility, URNews has learned

“It’s pretty amazing,” said an Apple developer who agreed only to speak to URNews anonymously. “It fills all the gaps left by PCs or pods.  It’s totally general in its utility.”

The new device is said to help users navigate daily use. “The idea came from dashboard mounted GPS units,” said Haines. “Sure they’ll tell you how get from here to there, but will they tell you where you left your keys? iThingy will.”

The iThingy enables users to make even fuzzier determinations with an “I’m not sure I know where I want to eat” application as well as “Is my ass, like, huge in this?” and “What was his name again?” apps.

Its “iWasn’t at that meeting” feature  can generate excuses  and rationalizations so compelling that the user even believes them. “I was talking to this fucking moron in the marketing division and it just started buzzing and vibrating wildly. It wouldn’t turn off until the guy left!  How cool is that?”

Users will be able to determine whether they liked a movie and if they are going to stay for one more drink.

Most importantly the iThingy comes in more colors and shapes than any Apple device yet. It can be strapped to the human anatomy more ways and in more places, and there are an endless array of skins and other accessories for the device.  “Market research told us that people wanted an” I” thing of some sort to put over their heads.  It’s here.”

“It announces to the world who you are.” Vernon continued, “and it reads other devices so it tells you who to relate to and how. One ringy dingy on your Apple  iThingy, you are connected!”

The iThingy was to come with a  soft socket or dildonic attachment for iPleasuring but developers at Apple are still toying with those.

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