Joy of Cooking: The Musical

Producers adapting "any old thing"

Dec 15th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Arts

The Broadway producers behind the recent musical comedy version of  “Silence of the Lambs” have acquired the rights to  “The Joy of Cooking”.

“With music by Elton John, book by Herb Epstein and a fucking boatload of lighting and special effects?  This show canfuckingnot lose,” says producer Barry Morton.  Morton and team have had a string of Broadway hits “re-purposing” successful existing material with brand recognition into essentially the same show over and over.

“Almost swinging dance number, tear-jerking ballad, waterfuckingfalls and leggy dancers, big chorus behind entire cast singing send off,” says Morton, “sucfuckingcess.”

While the songwriters may change, the one constant is destroyed-shell-of-a-one-time author, Herb Epstein. “Template, okay, fuck you,” said Epstein.

Agents for Nathan Lane have been contacted, but were unavailable for comment. If Lane, a talented hoofer and singer, signs with “Joy of Cooking

get over my ex boyfriend

,” look for him to be asked to add zest to pieces like “Hollandaise Sauce” and “Lancashire Hotpot.”

The announcement  is seen by some as a way of deflecting media attention away from the problems plaguing and delaying Morton's latest extravaganza, Nine Eleven.

“Let me put it this way,” says Morton. “Fuck you. It is sooooo easy to sit there and be critical but 9/11 has it all – pyrofuckingtechnics, good guys, super bad guys who are even fucking Arab types. Osamafucking Binfucking Laden?  Who would not want that role? Okay, maybe Nathan Lane wouldn't, but fuck.”

Nine Eleven has been beset with production problems, a structure near the rear of the stage called Building Seven has unaccountably been collapsing in the play's second act.  Critics also point to serious questions of plausibility in the story. After an “out of town” run in Philadelphia, major changes were made to the original book; the Saudi hijackers were re-written as Iraqi agents of Saddam Hussein and George Bush replaced Dick Cheney as President.

Set backs have never slowed Barry Morton down. His office confirmed that he has also acquired the rights to “Heartburn and Reflux for Dummies” and the “1999 Chevrolet Impala Manual”.

– with files by Carl Johnson and Paul Moth

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