Narcissism Linked to Magnetic Rays

Nature committing suicide

Dec 14th, 2010 | By Signor Blaine | Category: Science and Technology

Narcissism is linked to variations of solar winds and magnetic flux, a prominent British research team claims. “When the sun shines, more people become irrationally self-centered” states Nathume Berksley, the team’s lead researcher. The group arrived at their findings by correlating solar activity with the frequency of “tweeting”, an uncontrollable reflex associated with pathological self obsession.

Many in the psychiatric community are said to be relieved that Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or “Go for the N.P.D.” as it commonly refers to itself, is back in the spotlight after a perceived snub by the upcoming edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

A leading Polish team theorizes that N.P.D. moved itself from the common slate of mental diagnostics into the Magnetic Ray branch of psychiatry because of its unwillingness to share and a need to be admired.

“It is a very clever move on N.P.D.’s part,” states Dr. Josef Mirotz, of the Polish team. “Research over the past 100 years shows a strong link between solar activity and the general sense of well-being, but the exact manifestation of how cosmic plasma affects psyche has never been pinned down. N.P.D. is claiming the space. Well done, ourselves.”

A Russian team has taken the claim a step further, stating everything on the planet has the potential for displaying signs of N.P.D. coming from solar activity, including inanimate objects. “The melting of the ice cap is not a result of global warming,” Fedor Tripdych stated in a speech at the United Nations Symposium on Climate Changes last February, “rather the ice fields are killing themselves due to a deep sense of inadequacy caused by the recent excitedness of the Aurora Borealis. Global Warming should be referred to as Global Depression, and is incurable.”

In the most serious cases of solar ray induced Narcissism the sufferer imagines that the sun is shining out of his or her ass. “You saw this last week with Don Cherry,” said Mirotz, “a sort of Sports commentator clown act  in Canada that somehow became deluded into thinking he knew something about public policy and governance.  A case like that, it’s tragic.”

– with files by Paul Moth

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