New Security Measures

Diplomats, C.I.A., N.S.A. to cellulose-based systems

Dec 5th, 2010 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured

$13 million information transfer device

WikiLeaked and hacked by the Chinese, U.S. agencies that must frequently convey secure or sensitive information are moving to a new, ultra-thin, cellulose-based, single-use tablet.  The cellulose “sheets” will be manufactured from the crushed and reconstituted pulp of giant bonsai trees.

Information will be imparted to the cellulose medium with new totally mechanical word processing equipment. “I’ve seen the new system,” reported expensive security consultant, former Colonel Julius Renmeyer. “The words are transferred to new ultra thin tablets by means of some sort of lever.  How they appear on the tablet is anyone’s guess at this stage.”  Renmeyer also reported that the new devices were quite noisy.  “Rapid clack clack clack, it was like being on a firing range.”

Officials plan to keep very few copies of the cellulose sheets and those will be housed within separate, thicker, totally opaque cellulose containers which will then be placed in metal storage containers that can be closed.

“You can store a surprising number of the cellulose tablets in the metal containers,” said Renmeyer.

Rumours that a carbon-based system of producing as many as four cellulose textual information transits at a time are not confirmed. “I know there have been experiments.  One ultra-thin tablet I saw was alleged to be a fifth copy … but it was difficult to read.”

The system is said to be so secure that the actual tablet itself would have to be in one’s hand to retrieve the information. The tablets are alleged to be highly flammable so that jeopardized information can be rapidly destroyed through an unknown incendiary process.

Early models of the system are being provided to U.S. Government by a joint venture between Lockheed Martin and Halliburton. An information transfer device and one hundred blank tablets will cost upward of $13 million.

Research continues on a secure land-based voice communication system that would confound the current interception of microwaved technology.

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