Rogers Buys Canada’s Sports

Cable giant claims tax write-off teams

Dec 2nd, 2010 | By Paul Moth | Category: Lead Article, Sports

Rogers proposed sport portfolio

Rogers Cablevision, one of Canada’s largest monopoly providers, has made a bold bid to corral some of the most valuable losing franchises in modern sports – the NHL Toronto Maple Leafs, the NBA Toronto Raptors and the MLS Toronto FC – to add to their stupendous Major League Baseball loser, the Toronto Blue Jays. The purchase, if approved, would make Rogers the largest sports power in the world.

Sports Financial Analyst Selma Hopkinson says “some feel this is a sad day for sports, but in reality it’s a great day for cable.” Central control of the city’s professional teams “that may contravene some arcane sentimental psychosis, will allow for premium scheduling considerations,” she maintains. “Now you can watch your favourite Toronto team lose all day.”

In conjunction with their all-new twenty-four hour Poker Channel, Rogers “has cornered sports in Canada,”  says Hopkinson.

A spokesmoneyperson for Rogers declined to speak on the subject, saving his comments for one of Rogers’ many sports highlight-package advertising segments running interminably in towns and cities across the country that couldn’t “give an ounce of rat’s dust” about what happens to the teams in Canada’s capitol, admits Hopkinson.

Current owners of the franchises in question, the Ontario Teachers Pension Plan, could not be reached, they had a PD day.

Also included in the deal are tentative purchases of Toronto Pee Wee hockey teams across the city, Toronto beach volleyball teams and at least one midget-bowling league.

Earlier reports not on urNews that Rogers had sought to buy Maple Leaf Foods, thinking they were the source of the meat in sports, were erroneous.

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