NDP Fight Off Liberal Challenge for Irrelevance

Nothing to Change

Jan 3rd, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Lead Article

The New Democratic Party of Canada has decided to play to its strengths in the next general election by embracing its irrelevance.  “We liked to say we were the party of ‘ordinary Canadians’, and what every ordinary Tom, Dick, Mary and SheBob  shares is their irrelevance,” said a party spokesperson.

SheBob is the NDP’s generic term for transgendered persons.

“Regardless of what the Tories and the Liberals like to pretend, Canada is run by a tiny group of Toronto elites,” said the spokesperson. “Like Canadians, the NDP is unable to do anything that’s gonna change things.”

URNews Polling seems to support the NDP’s contention that most Canadians are generally unable to effect change.  “People have opinions about stuff,” said pollster Harvey Jameson, “some are even strongly held, but in the end they do very little to see that the world is made to work in a way that reflects that.  That’s actually the core of what the NDP shares with a large majority of Canadians — going through the motions.”

One election slogan being tested by the NDP is “Change You Can Think About”.

The NDP feels it must position itself quickly as the Liberal Party moves to make itself the most irrelevant force in Canadian politics.  “Under Iggy they’ve have come to occupy more of the ineffectual terrain that used to be the exclusive stomping grounds of the New Democrats.”   Supporters of Justin Trudeau, a possible successor to the floundering, hapless, slow-witted, vacant, vaguely creepy Ignatieff, say their man would put a face on Liberal meaninglessness.  “The Liberal Party has always stood for getting itself elected, and now that we have no policy initiatives or ideas, we should own irrelevance.  Sure the NDP can never effect change because they can never achieve power. We’re the party that can take power and still do nothing.”

The  NDP face challenges from the Greens as well.  “It’s entirely possible that we could get as much as 10% of the popular vote next election,” observed Green organizer Vagina Sparklingstar, “and not return a single member, so we are aggressively irrelevant, especially in the West.”

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