Quebec Canada's "Friend with Benefits"

Duceppe unzips to make Quebec nation within another nation

Jan 27th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Politics

Proclaiming the start of  a new era of fucking Canada, the Bloc Quebecois has demanded $5 billion to continue the dysfunctional relationship between the confused northern country and the vanquished, one-time French colony of Quebec.

“The situation is trés simple, you stupid English Canadian,” said Bloc spokesmonsieur Jacques Petin-Bouchard. “If Canada wishes us to continue coming over and providing you with our 'company', you will have to assume some responsibility for les gros bills we have racked up a la maison.”

On seeing an itemized list of Quebec's demands, Canada sat at its kitchen table and cried. “I don't know what Quebec wants.  One day he says he is leaving and then he's back here fucking me and then the next morning threatening he'll leave me if I don't give him all my money.”

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Volatile Quebec is said to be in dire financial circumstances. “Quebec had bons big plans, no,” said Petin-Bouchard, “but parce-que  some fuck-ups, the protection et subsidy, Fromage du Coco Milk has been le bust.”  Executives at Quebec's Syndicat du Fromage au Chocolat au Lait were paid millions of dollars last year despite the poor sales of Chocolate Milk Cheese and Maple Flavoured Cheese outside the province.  Chocolate Milk Cheese Comptroller Giovanni “Boom Boom” DiPietro was found in ground beef samples last week, just days before he was to testify at an inquiry into shabby bridge construction.

“Ah oui, having to rebuild all those bridges, we forgot to put dat on the list,” said Petin-Bouchard, “and I want a fucking stadium too, a great big shiny playpen  for Les Nordiques!”

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