Conservative Caucus Plans Intervention

Harper election crazy

Feb 1st, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: News

Agitated and fatigued.

The Conservative Caucus is planning an intervention to stop an election-mad Prime Minister Steve Harper from taking an unwilling nation to the polls on the issue of corporate tax cuts.

Harper, looking agitated and fatigued following a jaunt through some of the moderate juntas and dictatorships his Canada supports, hit Parliament hill with a jihad-like fervor this week.

“There seems to be no stopping him,” said a Conservative member of parliament who wished to remain anonymous. “He’s thawed out Guy Giorno and the two of them are obsessed with creating even stranger attack ads.  Since Steve got that script writing software it’s just been nuts.” Manic cackling has been heard coming from the hallways of Parliament at night.  The Prime Minister is known to haunt the corridors of power during the wee hours.

There is deep concern in the caucus that Harper is putting a poison pill in the upcoming budget in the form of totally unjustified tax cuts for Canada’s richest corporations. “Look, everybody knows that the big Canadian corporations are the banks and resource extractors,” said the source, “they ain’t here because of the tax regime. They’re here because the pickin’s are easy.”

The Liberals and the NDP are said to be in a state of high excitement at the prospect of facing the Government on the issue of making life easier for the fat-cats at a time of increasing deficits. “There’s this blind faith that Canadians will believe Little Jimmy Flaherty when he says that the deficit will disappear with diminishing revenues,” says the Conservative MP. “We know Canadians are stupid. But they’re not that stupid.”

“Coalition, shmoalition,” say Liberal think-tankers. “We don’t need no stinking coalition if this keeps up.”

That Harper is so far gone as to taunt the Canadian people and the opposition with the possibility of a needless election just to, in the argot of the PMO, “fuck with their minds,” is thought to be too twisted even for him.

“You can lose perspective in that job,” said the source. “It’s lonely being a top at 24 Sussex”.

The Prime Minister’s medication history is a closely guarded secret.

– with files by Paul Moth and Heber Dolphy

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