Conservative Cheats Charged

Election fandango causes chill in the ranks

Feb 25th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Politics

Elections Canada has charged four high level Conservative Party of Canada operatives with cheating in the last Federal Election.  It is alleged they deliberately manipulated rules to exceed spending limits.  The scheme involved moving funds between local ridings and the national campaign organization, a procedure known in Canadian law as performing  “a bit of the old in-and-out.” If the charges are proven it will be another blow to the thin veneer of legitimacy remaining on the Harper Post-Prorogation Pseud-Government.


Among those charged are Senator Doug Finley, a former party campaign manager, and Senator Irving Gerstein, a major Tory  fundraiser.  Finley is widely regarded as one of the most vile creatures in Canadian politics.  He is best remembered for trying to bribe dying Member of Parliament Chuck Cadman with an insurance policy, an act of unspeakable perfidy forgotten by Canadians as quickly as the Afghan detainee issue and Bev Oda’s lying to Parliament about doctoring documents have been forgotten.  Finley is rumoured to possess a dark aura of odium that requires those in his presence to wear special protective Hazmat goggles.

It is believed that the PMO is not concerned about the fate of its Gang of Four, whom they are willing to throw to the wolves, but of the chill it brings to the party’s rank and file.  “The agenda has always been to heed the wishes of The Leader and use any means to  destroy the Liberal Party. The establishment of a theocracy is secondary,” said a Conservative trooper unwilling to be identified. “Now, if Vic Toews can’t demonstrate that he has control of the police and courts, what guarantee do we have that we won’t all be rounded up after the next election and sent for socialist  homosexuality re-education in Quebec?”

The response from conservative wag Dunning Kruger is that “we own the criminal system. This is a hiccough. There won’t be any convictions in our ranks, let me tell you. Some desk-riding left-leaning, tax-us-all-to-death Elections Canada administrator will soon be riding that desk in Tuktoyukyuks or Fort Louis Vuitton.”

– with files by Paul Moth

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