NDP Ditch Final Principle

Join Conservatives and Liberals in having none

Feb 24th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured

A Higgs Policy Vortex

In an effort to share the riches found at Canada’s large, fuzzy political center, the New Democratic Party will be shedding their last remaining principles at June’s upcoming 50th anniversary convention. “The plan is to take the ‘socialist’ out of Democratic Socialism so as to make the party appealing to a larger swath of the electorate,” said NDP spokesperson Carly Dodson.  “We’ve done focus groups and Canadians have mostly positive associations with the word “democracy”, despite their overwhelming unwillingness to participate in it.”

Ms. Dodson went on to explain that the same focus groups had almost only negative associations with the word “socialism,”  86% in one experiment pointing to an illustration showing a figure resembling Joseph Stalin striking a baby with a heavy text book.  63% of the focus group participants associated “democracy” with the image of a butterfly with wings of American dollars.

Most participants considered capitalism and democracy indistinguishable and believed in miracles. “We have to admit,” said Dodson, “we’ve lost the brand battle.”

The final step in the long march to render the New Democratic Party indistinguishable from the Liberals will be the removal from the preamble of the party’s constitution the declaration “to modify and control the operation of the monopolistic productive and distributive organizations through economic and social planning … where necessary [through] the principle of social ownership.” Advocates say the change reflects the reality of contemporary Canadian politics.

“Everybody is trying to outflank everyone else at the center which is, of course, impossible,” notes University of Newfoundland Professor of Political Economy Carl Johnson. “You get what we call “non-policy cycling” and ultimately the “Higgs Policy Vortex” or the “anti-idea””.  A Higgs Policy Vortex consumed all new ideas at a Liberal Policy convention this past spring.   An absence of ideas was central to the takeover of the Progressive Conservatives by the Alliance Party in 2003.

Though it will have to be subject to a vote of the general sheep the New Democratic Party will likely emerge from the convention known simply as “Party”.

Share this!