Obama’s Pals Mute On Smoking Issue

Neither confirm nor deny Michelle Obama claim that President has quit

Feb 10th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured


Several close friends of President Barack Obama would neither confirm nor deny First Lady Michelle Obama’s assertion that Mr. Obama has kicked his nicotine habit.

“He promised me he’d change,” said Ms Obama, “and I believe he has changed.”

Obama’s poker pals Johnnie and Ger said they couldn’t remember but they didn’t think they’d seen the President taking a celebratory drag after drawing to an inside straight to “just fuck Brad up the ass.”  The otherwise unidentified “Brad” was said to have bet heavily on two pair. “I bet Brad was smoking,” said Ger with a chuckle.

Nor could the President’s close political advisers recall why the President had slipped out to the White House Rose Garden late at night after the results of the mid-term elections. “I dunno. Maybe he was just putting out the garbage,” said an adviser who wished to remain anonymous.

There were also no reliable accounts of whether the President smoked during a weekend getaway with old friends at Camp David. “I had a few pops so my recollection wouldn’t be worth much,” said a friend of the President’s, identified only as “the Chuckmeister.”  “I’m sure that smell on the Chief’s jacket was from the barbecue. He was flipping the burgers for a while.”   The half pack of Marlboros found in the same jacket was said, by a White House spokesman, to be “from last year or something.”

Another explanation put forward was that the smell was not from tobacco but from cannabis smoked by associates of Obama.  “The President had nothing to do with that,” said an insider known, suspiciously, as “Ashman”, “Jody and Miguel found Clinton’s stash.”

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