“The impor­tant thing, Ron, is to keep lying…”

An entirely unsci­en­tific urNews sur­vey of  peo­ple on the street, con­ducted on the eve of the 100^th anniver­sary of Ronald Reagan’s birth, finds a Cana­dian pop­u­lace deeply con­flicted about the 40^th President’s eco­nomic and geo-political legacy but uni­fied in its loathing for the 18^th Prime Min­is­ter of Canada, Brian Mulroney.

“All I can think about is that nau­se­at­ing Mickey act in Que­bec City,” said Byron Fren­ston of Bramp­ton. “‘Irish Eyes Are Smil­ing’? Have we no self respect as a people?”

Wendy Georgino of Saska­toon was sim­i­larly pre­oc­cu­pied with “Old Whore” Mul­roney. “I want my money back,” she said. “Can’t we take, like, a class action suit against this crooked oper­a­tor and get back the $2.1 mil­lion we paid him for lying about his sleazy deal with Schreiber?”

“I guess Rea­gan sort of made trickle-down eco­nom­ics main­stream,” offered Peter Bal­lont of Hal­i­fax, “and destroyed the long term prospects for the United States in the process.”

“Rea­gan? I dunno, I think Iran-Contra, senil­ity, fail­ing infra­struc­ture … oh yeah, and Mul­roney,” lamented Jack Nes­tle of Toronto. “I was a card-carrying mem­ber of the Pro­gres­sive Con­ser­v­a­tive Party of Canada before Mul­roney destroyed it.  And thanks for Lucien Bouchard and the Bloc Québé­cois, Brian, way to fuck up the country.”

The money Mul­roney pur­loined from the Cana­dian peo­ple came up again and again. “Rea­gan I liked, affa­ble dunce, until he let Mul­roney get all chummy.  Did Mul­roney ever pay back that $2.1 mil­lion dol­lars he got from lying about his deal with that Karl­heinz dude?  What a piece of shit Mul­roney is.”

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