Toronto Better With Gravy

Ford sends busted town to bed

Feb 22nd, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: News

The mayor, pondering gravy.

Finding the city hall “gravy” he campaigned against elusive, Rob Ford is proposing curfews in order to balance Toronto’s books. “Go to bed!” said a spokesfatperson for the Mayor of Canada’s biggest town.

In his successful mayoral campaign, Rob Ford suggested that lavish perks for councilors and excessive spending on needless services were bankrupting Toronto.  Now in office and presented with mounting deficits, Ford is confronting the fact that it is in reality the provision of essential services and the maintenance of infrastructure that constitutes  the overwhelming majority of the town’s spending.  It is in that spending that Ford hopes to find savings.

“If we cease lighting and greatly curtail policing Toronto after dark then it will be a good start,” said the spokesfatperson. “There is really no need for public transit once everyone has returned to the suburbs after work.”

Toronto long had a reputation for the dullness of its nightlife. There is a move to return to those “Toronto-the-good” old days. “Rob has made his feelings about downtown and the fancy-pants culturati clear,” said the spokesfatperson. “Why should we run the town into the red keeping the party going there when most of us are at home watching American television? We’re all about … oh … excuse me, shouldn’t have had so much gravy, we’re all about commonsense.”

-with files by Heber Dolphy and Paul Moth

Share this!