U2’s Shocking Realization

"They only do three songs over and over"

Feb 23rd, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Arts

"La la la" blang blang "janey mac, this is shite!" Edge and Bono do it again

Facing a calamitous failure of their foray into the Broadway musical form, the rock business formerly known as U2 have listened to their back-catalogue and realized they have only ever written three songs and performed variations of them over and over for years.

“Sure it was a shock for Bono and The Edge to realize they’ve basically re-released versions of the same three tunes – one a march, one an anthem and the last a ballad – since they put out their first record,” said a band hanger-on who wished to remain anonymous. “They got that Eno skeet to dress it up for a while, but basically it’s been a continual rehash of the same old shite, you know?”

U2 songs are distinguished by a continual cycled guitar effect on a very simple line and much self-important and heavily emotive caterwauling. “There wasn’t ever a whole lot there,” said the hanger-on. “But the lads were cute in a goofy way, when they were young. But not even Spiderman can save them now”  Like the great majority of rock stars the members of U2 have become ridiculous with age.

U2 lately has ceded ground in the “cycled-guitar-effect-caterwauling-vocals” field to the new kids on the block, Radiohead.

Share this!