Bell Bill Sinks Canada

$59 trillion charge for data bankrupts nation

Mar 7th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: News

Ass-held Device

Uncontrolled use of smart phones by Federal bureaucrats has resulted in a $59 trillion bill that the country of Canada simply cannot pay.  A large portion of the charges come from the exchange between government employees of a humorous short animated film.

“It just got out of control,” said  Saeed Chadrupathy, a secretary at Canadian Heritage. “I got it from a friend in finance and just posted it to my address book. It took off.”

One of those friends was Adrian Adler, at the Public Service Relations Board.

“I’m getting stuff from Saeed all the time,” said Adler. “I mean, everybody in my office spends their time texting, sexting and posting on Facebook and Twitter and Flickr and stuff. It’s how we stay plugged in. It’s how the government operates. I forwarded it on without even thinking of the consequences.”  A recent tweet from Adler read, “Blood will flow aft nx elect. drag”.

“I guess it’s a big oops,” said Chadrupathy, who may lose his job due to his actions. The Auditor General will release his report into the affair at the end of the week. “Chad. Worst. Fucked. Ever. LOL”, Adler tweeted of his colleague’s investigation.

Bell says it is willing to settle the account for some reduced portion of the accrued charges.  They refused offers of the provinces of Ontario and Quebec as compensation and have countered, saying they would settle for the Saskatchewan and all of Alberta excluding Edmonton.

The video shows a figure looking not unlike John Baird with his right arm inserted deep into the rectum of  figure looking not unlike Jason Kenney.  Baird’s left arm appears to be in the rectum of a figure looking not unlike Roy Orbison.  The Baird figure appears to manipulate the mouths of Kenney and Orbison as though they were puppets.  At the end of the video it is revealed that, in turn, a figure not unlike Steve Harper has his arm even further inside John Baird. “The funny thing is,” said Adler, “Baird’s trying to keep his lips from moving and he can’t.”

– with files by Paul Moth

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