Canada imposes sanctions on Libyan people

Willfulness and disobedience will not be tolerated

Mar 1st, 2011 | By Heber Dolphy | Category: News

Not crafting end-game scenarios in the War Room

Canada has imposed wide ranging sanctions on the Libyan people in retaliation for their willful disobedience of authority and disruption of petroleum production.

In announcing the sanctions, which include banning of Canadian food exports to Libya and remittances by Libyan nationals in Canada, Prime Minister For Life Steve Harper said Canada cannot stand idly by while friendly despots are threatened by unruly mobs. “Our position remains perfectly clear,” said the Prime Minister, “the interests of Canadian corporations such as SNC-Lavalin and Suncor trump any so-called ‘demands for democracy’ that these … people … have.”

The decision prompted howls of outrage from opposition politicians. Their disgruntlement ended quickly as they sheepishly realized they had supported essentially the same policies while in power and had said the opposite at the time.

Conservative spokesdespot Dunning Kruger denied rumours that the Prime Minister is rattled by the worldwide uprisings against anti-democratic governments and is busy in the War Room crafting end-game scenarios. “That is ridiculous,” said Kruger. “The Prime Minister is confident he can carry forward his vision of an economically weak but morally authoritarian state with only the support of the Western and ‘905’ tribes. Besides he can always just prorogue parliament if he feels any heat.”

Re-education camps are not being established for malcontents or, as Kruger put it in an interview for Power & Politics “re-education camps are not being established everywhere.”

Harper has so far managed to completely quell dissent at home, often deploying the state controlled media to run television spots villifying the opposition and, just yesterday, releasing footage of fighter jets flying over the parliament buildings, a move seen to further intimidate the already cowed Canadian public.

Multinational petroleum companies are allowed to extract resources in Canada without having to compensate the state at anywhere near the levels demanded by the Libyan Government.  “Hopefully,” said Kruger, “we can make Libya as safe for business as Canada.”

– with files by Paul Moth

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