Conservative Preservative

Glover smells decay in ranks

Mar 31st, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Politics

The announcement of the candidacy of former Danny Williams prop Loyola Sullivan for the Harper Conservatives in the seat of St. John’s South – Mount Pearl is giving credence to Conservative MP Shelly Glover’s contention that contenders have a “best before date.” Sullivan is of such advanced years that he has apparently completely forgotten that he was betrayed by the man for whom he is now running. “I believe in the future, however short,” said Sullivan, “and Steve Harper is … a … issues, on a go forward basis the best we can do. Have a jam-jam,” gummed the man who once secured $2 billion dollars from then Prime Minister Paul Martin, only to have it reneged on by the next Prime Minister, Steve Harper.

Santa Claus officially endorses jam-jams

“I can’t remember any bad blood between Newfie and Ottawa, besides  I was away … I had a lovely job … there … what was it?  My these jam-jams are lovely-tell-your-mother.”

Sullivan was, in fact, Canada’s Fisheries Envoy, a lavish sinecure in which the silly old fellow accomplished nothing. “The Loyolas have been good to us,” said conservative spokesperson Dunning Kruger, “Sullivan and Hearn, The Celtic Pussies, they’re good Newfies, they are of limited ambition and do what they’re told.  Better than the uppity sort.  They know their station. A good thing too, ’cause if Steve stays mad at Newfoundland he is going to side with Quebec and ixnay the Lower Churchill.”

Sullivan split with Williams apparently because the then Premier kept laying his beer on the then Finance Minister’s head.

Asked what he accomplished while in his post as fisheries ambassador, Sullivan said “I went to China. I did. I worked in Taiwan, and China, and Taiwan. Lots of time. Lots of travel to Japan and China. And Taiwan. Hard hours traveling. Gosh, trips to the European, thing. I took the initiative, and represented. And look what I accomplished with the seals, hey? Hey?”

Then again, it could be that Sullivan not only forgets some of his past, but  is confused.

“I helped Danny,” he claims, “and … I helped Steve … and in that helping … with gravy, I … I … oh look … jam-jams!”

The return of a gullible figure like Sullivan to the corrupt tribal politics of Newfoundland has lead to wide speculation that Harper is about pull another fast one on Canada’s “Happy Province”,  likely in the form of a large promise the leader of the Conservative Party has no intention of keeping.

Observers believe that announcement will have to wait as today, March 31, marks a grim anniversary in Newfoundland.  It has been 62 years since Canada commenced lying to the one time  island nation’s people.

– with files by Paul Moth

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