Mumbai Man Completely Incomprehensible
Achieves full 100 on the Grthbthck ScaleMar 2nd, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured
A man working at a call center in Mumbai for a Canadian financial institution, Vila “Bobby” Jadhav, is the first person to achieve a score of 100 on the Grthbthck scale of language incomprehensibility. “We could study his speech at length. Some of his phone conversations with Canadian customers were recorded, allegedly for ‘quality control purposes’,” said University of Newfoundland at St. John’s linguist Dr. Nancy Peters.
“Bobby was responding to a simple inquiry about an automated change to a client’s PIN number. His answers to that query have been tested and proven absolutely and totally incomprehensible under any circumstances or after any number of repeated listenings. Not one word makes sense. Ever. That is a perfect 100 score,” says Peters.
Mr. Jadhav, a 47-year old lifelong resident of Mumbai, speaks very heavily accented English. On the day in question he was fatigued, drunk and “blitzed” on betel. It is also thought he had been taking discount Bangalore pain medication to compensate for back alley dental surgery undertaken the day before. His tongue was badly cut during the procedure which was conducted by a well known neighbourhood fakir who, as well as practicing dentistry and magic, has stood on one leg since 1978 and reputedly never has bowel movements.
In an interview with urNews and speaking of his perfect score, Mr. Jadhav said “Cltth prntn ooo eee ooo ah ah trrrrrdit. Muh muh mah muh cltth.” Or something like that.
“We had a 96 once,” says Peters, “but it was later deemed a religious experience. We haven’t counted glossolalia on the Grthbthck Scale since 2003.”
The Grthbthck Scale is named for Gerald Voenhoethok. Voenhoethok was born in The Orange Free State but moved to a small community in Hare Bay, Newfoundland as an infant. He later relocated, at the age of six, to Newcastle in the United Kingdom. His incomprehensible speech took many years to be understood by cunning linguists and was set at 50 on the scale.