Bonds Balloon Head

Human Growth Hormone caused slugger's noggin to expand

Apr 1st, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Sports

Bonds before, during and after steroid use

Barry Bonds steroid and human growth hormone use was so out-of-control during the 1990’s that the club house manager had to continually find new hats to accommodate the San Francisco Giants slugger’s ever expanding head.  “We even had to re-design the Barry Bonds Bobble-Head doll,” said a Giants representative. The testimony came at yesterday’s proceedings in Bonds’s perjury trial. Bonds holds the major league record for home runs hit both in a single season and under the influence.

Meanwhile, in a related story south of the border, questions were being asked of Mexican League hitting champion Jose “Cabeza Grasa” Gonzales, whose giant encephalitic head appears to have grown with his batting average.  Moreover, disturbing behavioural changes in Gonzales also suggest that he might too be using performance altering drugs. Gonzales has come to the plate holding his huge, engorged penis as a bat. He also has taken to eating live chickens and ants between innings.

“Steroids and HGH are not really frowned upon in the Mexican Leagues,” said Cuernavaca Racing News correspondent Hercules Gomez. “The concern is that Gonzales is mainlining extract of bovine pineal gland. That shit is deep.”

Representatives of leagues in Puerto Rico, Venezuela and Colombia are also taking notice of players who have recently improved their power production like la Cabeza de Calabaza Cortes,  Saltones Niño Vergé, and ¡Qué Enorme Monstruo Maldito Molina.

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