Can Jack Keep It Up?

Poll bulge grows

Apr 27th, 2011 | By Carl Johnson | Category: Uncategorized

Jack Layton contemplates his hard rod in the face of surging polls

As leader intercourse with voters enters its final critical phase, election voyeurs are wondering whether the NDP’s Jack Layton will be able to maintain his eye-popping surge and bring the party — and the country — to a big Orange climax on polling night.

“The campaign’s looked like a commercial for Viagra since the beginning,” said national affairs columnist for the Toronto Stoop, Malfait Chanteur. “You have four aging white guys whose ability to court voters is past its best-before-date.  One is a creepy dude with helmet hair and a pot belly whose wife ditched him because he’s a workaholic who doesn’t have any juice left when he gets in from the office.  Another is a pompous twerp who thinks he’s much smarter than he is.  And then cums Jack.”

Quebec voters have a long track record of picking up on a leader who gets in the mood.  As things got chaud in the French-language debates viewers started responding to Layton’s twinkling eyes, lumberjack ‘stache, sudden polling bulge, and clear interest in group action.

With Michael Ignatieff’s big red tent having visibly lost its pole and wilting under the pressure, the rest of Canada wasn’t long in noticing that Jack was feeling frisky.

Now, as the leaders start courting the women’s vote Jack’s handlers are urging caution and a go-slow approach.

“There a feeling that Jack is getting a little over excited, and this before the Canadian electorate have committed to actually doing it,” said political analyst Wells O’Coyne. “Canadians voters might just be flirting with Jack, teasing him, before deciding finally just going with Steve or Mike and getting a full night’s sleep.”

While Canadian voters are being warned that a relationship with Jack could entail some unusual acts with which they are not familiar,  the truth is that the NDP are, once the lights go out, rather disappointingly like the other guys. “Sometimes,” said a female voter who wished to remain anonymous, “I like a little danger, but not real danger.”

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