Canada to Politicians: “I’m sick of your shit.”

"I'm leaving you."

Apr 19th, 2011 | By Heber Dolphy | Category: News

Canada: Totally pissed

Canadian political party leaders were left speechless and humiliated Sunday when the country announced it was leaving them.

“These bastards keep saying  they’ll change, they’ll get it together…but nothing changes,” the heartbroken nation state said. “I work my ass off supplying resources to keep this relationship going, and what do they do? They give that shit away to their cronies and so-called ‘friends’, cut taxes on the embarrassingly wealthy resource extractors, and generally treat me like I’m a five dollar whore.

“Well fuck that. I’m outta here.”

The major party leaders expressed disbelief at Canada’s statements. “No way,” said current Prime Minister Steve Harper as he polished the $1200 shoes of a Bay Street financier. “She wouldn’t. What did she say?”

Liberal Michael Ignatieff and Armchair Socialist Jack Layton were equally mystified. “Is it all those promises?” said Ignatieff. “Surely she knows all those promises about child care and social programs are bullshit. They always were. We all just say stuff that sounds good, but none of us actually think it will happen.”

“Yeah,” said Layton. “We’re only the leaders of the major political parties. We have no say in what actually happens.

“Stupid bitch should know that.”

Canada is reportedly staying at a friend’s house and is not answering her phone.

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