Dude Attending Vote Mob Will Not Cast Ballot

Engineering student concerned he won't get laid in college

Apr 25th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Politics

Phelps: Hoping democracy can get him laid

Roger Phelps, a second year Engineering student at UBC, has admitted he attended a “vote mob” in the hope of meeting a woman who would have sex with him.  “Yeah, sort of casual sex, not like just intercourse, but some hanging out together, too.  Enthusiastic oral sex would be a plus.”

Seeing that a number of the young people organizing the “vote mob” were attractive young women, often in stretchy leggings, a fantastic turn-on for Roger, he joined pretending to be interested in the Canadian democratic process.  But Roger has no intention of casting a ballot. “It’s not like I, like, won’t deliberately not vote, but I’m not sure where I’m supposed to go and, like, if it’s a hassle and going to take a lot of time, well.  And my course load for 2nd year is, like, brutal.”  Still, Roger has found the time to feign interest in the cause of meeting women.  “My balls really, and I mean really, feel like they are going to explode.”  Mr. Phelps had mistakenly assumed that he would have an active sex life at University.  Such has turned out not to have been the case.

“Sometimes I feel like I should have majored in, like, English. I think those guys get tremendous amounts of pussy by just looking scruffy and pretending to be sensitive and writing, like, poems.”

Even if Roger were to exercise his franchise he has no idea how he would vote. “I have taken no poly-sci or history and I never watch the news so I don’t know what’s going on.”   Roger claimed not to know what a newspaper was. “I think I might vote for Harper,” the engineering student said, “because he looks like, like, a robot? And I think robots are pretty cool.”

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