Earth Ignores Own Day

Environmentalists furious with petulant planet

Apr 22nd, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured

FIRST PUBLISHED 2010

Environmentalists are furious with the planet Earth for ruining its own day.

“Earth was perfectly aware that this day was planned,” said Wendy Mackay of Green International, “then it goes and erupts and people are stranded in airports for days.  There is only so much we can do if Earth isn’t willing to help itself. No wonder people treat it so badly.”

Ms. Mackay said the volcanic activity in Iceland had shaken her faith in the planet. “We’re trying and this is the thanks we get.”

Earth Day celebrations in Europe are expected to be muted in the wake of travel turmoil caused by Earth’s outburst, the latest in a series of unpredictable behaviours.

“We were still rehabilitating Earth’s image after the tsunami, and then Haiti and Chile and Iceland. There comes a point when you say you’ve done all you can.”

Icelanders, enraged by Earth’s conduct, have retaliated with a frenzy of environmental degradation, reintroducing leaded fuels, dumping untreated waste directly into the oceans and investing the savings of British school teachers in the clear-cutting of huge tracts of rain forest. “Hykullecdyotl yertfrendseentic,” said a drunken Iceland as it poured battery acid into a spring.

“Earth shouldn’t be surprised,” said Ms. Mackay. “You get what you give.”

Earth’s disdain for the criticism was demonstrated by it having several mudslides.  Earth’s most recent serious delinquency was its sullen glaciation during the late Pleistocene.

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