Ignatieff out 2-4 weeks with Concussion

Delayed Effect of Vicious Head Shots

Apr 12th, 2011 | By Carl Johnson | Category: Lead Article

Whoa! What was that? I'm feeling a little light-headed here ...

On the verge of going “mano a mano” with his arch-rival, Evil Steve Harper, the Toronto Liberals’ star player, Michael Ignatieff has been forced to pull out of the contest after fuzziness of thought and starry eyes that doctors diagnosed as post-concussion symptoms.   The problems became visible over the weekend during workouts with his sparring partner, Bobby Rae Daze at the Liberal training facility in Etobicoke where Ignatieff was preparing for the showdown with Harper.

“There were worries a concussion could have happened during the Tory attack ads,” said an Ignatieff spokesman who wished to remain anonymous.  “No one can take the kind of blind-sided pounding to the head and face that Iggie took in those ads without serious damage.”

Most observers agree the damage was more likely the result of the pummeling Ignatieff took from Rae.  “Seeing the way Bobby was landing them you had to wonder if he could have been a contender.”  The diminutive Rae was long ago thought of as a remote prospect but several early round knockdowns at the beginning of his career turned him into a punching bag.

“Hah,” cried opponent Evil Steve, “Dizzy Iggy in name, Dizzy Iggy in fact!”  Evil Steve’s taunt may ring hollow if there is truth to that allegation he was, as usual, going to get John Baird to do the fighting for him.

But whether from attack ads or not, Ignatieff is only the latest star politico to be side-lined by concussion.  The early retirements of Stockwell Day and Chuck Strahl are widely rumoured to have been forced by head shots that happened during scrimmages with their own team.  The multiple concussions suffered by the addled Peter McKay are apparent in his incapacity to remember the details of a single file on his ministerial desk.  “There’s no way he should still be competing,” said a long-time staffer.  “And to think the goons who took him out when he had his head down are now members of his own team makes it especially painful to watch.”

Medical experts on political concussions say Ignatieff’s injury underlines the need for stricter rules governing the cheap shots to the head and hits from behind that have become all too common in the modern game.  “We need to get rid of head shots and attack ads once and for all,” said Dr. June Carling, President of Canadian Physicians for Ethical Politics.  “Fewer and fewer children are willing to go into the political arena.  They see brutal pitbulls like John Baird foaming at the mouth, looking to get you in the corner to chew your balls off or leaving his feet to take you out at centre block and they think, uh-uh, not for me.”

Some pundits claim Ignatieff was fighting above his weight and that “there really isn’t any concussion. He’s just seeing the light,” as pundit Toe Barbour writes in today’s Hill Journal Times Sports. “There’ll be no prize-fight for Iggy.  He might have fought a little in college but it will be a triumph if this guy is left standing at the end of the contest.”

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