Scots Trade Owes It All to Scotch

Drink up for the state

Apr 6th, 2011 | By Paul Moth | Category: Business

Scots, wha hae! Alex McNiven, Scotch Connoisseur

Continuing bad financial news from the European Union. Day after day, one more country after another needs bailing out by their BFF.

However, there is one enclave where spirits couldn’t be higher.


Scotland’s economy currently “outbooms” all other economies in the British Isles and may lay claim to being the hottest economy in all the EU.

And it’s because of the staggering world market for uisge beatha, the water of life, the alcoholic beverage, Scotch.

Malts of all kinds are finding their way onto the trophy shelves of burgeoning economies all across Asia.

Not everybody can taste every whisky, though. urNews has contacted the well-known Scotch expert Alex McNiven who has done all the drinking for you. McNiven weighs in here with his exclusive notes and leads us through his list of the Top Ten Scotch Whiskys currently available.

Cragalachadülichvulin 12 year old, a rare half malt – “this is the Nessie of Scotch.”

Heimlich Loch 12 year old, a double malt – “beware the tongue-twisting charms of the Heimlich Loch.”

Horton’s Double Double 16 minute old – “a malteaser for tipplers on the go.”

Foyle of Doyle, a popular blend of “old styles with exaggerated,  saturated colour.”

Macenceois Blended Scotch – “notes of heather and sheep shite, akin to lying face down on the moor.”

Brudilassie 12 year old single malt – “a simple single, just flip your tongue ’round it, an easy roll in the hay.”

MacSphagnum 16 year old single – “perhaps the peatiest Scotch of all, will keep the home fires burning.”

MacAdam 12 year old – “dark, impenetrable, tarry, thick and hot.”

Potlichery3 week old bathtub malt – “as bad as it is, what decent list would be without Potlichery, the cheapest and most disgusting Scotch in the world.”

Glenfiddlehead Spring Malt – “marshy, brackish and herbal. Possibly the only whisky in the world that’s good for you.”

These whiskies are not in order of preference, quality or price. Some whiskies are not available in all markets. These results are accurate nine times out of eleven.

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