Animal Rights Activists Act Up

Give us back our Haws, our Hornets and our Kiwis!

Sep 13th, 2011 | By Paul Moth | Category: Sports

Lead Dog, Huckleberry B. Hound

Legal beagles for The Re-appropriation of Animal Names are taking their case to the highest kangaroo court in the land.  Lawyers representing TRAN have filed a harassment suit against Major League Baseball, the National Football League, the National Basketball Association and the National Hockey League.  There will likely be similar civil action in the European Union, Australia and New Zealand.

“Aboriginal people have long sought for the return to normalcy of names currently synonymous with sports franchises,” says Huckleberry Blood Hound, lead lawyer on the case. “Native people have rightly been outraged by the Atlanta Braves and the Washington Redskins, for example,” he said.  “Now we want some respect given to Tigers, Bears, and Penguins.”

TRAN set up an information picket line outside the offices of the Arizona Diamondbacks in Phoenix. “Why does this state [Arizona] need three professional sports teams named the D-backs, the Cardinals and the Coyotes,” asked spokesman Yogi Bear. “You don’t have to be smarter than the average bear to know why. Hey, Boo-Boo, answer me that.”

“I don’t know, Yogi, why?” said Boo-Boo.

“ Because Ranger Smith is in charge. Hey-hey-hey! Where is the pic-a-nic basket, Boo-Boo?”

Hound believes names like Miners, Breeze or Moss would work just as well for cheering chants and franchising options.

“Animals and pets are people, too,” says Hound, “we want respect accordingly.”


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